I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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