I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
