Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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