Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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