At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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