I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
