my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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