No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
