I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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