There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
