So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
