Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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