I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
