I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
