the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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