Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
