I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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