I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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