I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
