my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
this is an emotional support booty call
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
