The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
