Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
