Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
