Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
