i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
