Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Who died my cat blue again?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
