no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
