I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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