Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
