I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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