my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
