It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
