i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
