I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
