I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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