this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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