i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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