No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
