I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
