Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
