he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
