I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
