Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
