I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
