I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
