you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
