My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
