I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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