we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
