it hurts more in the daytime
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
