i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
